What the hell does the ‘M’ in MTV even stand for anymore? The only time I ever fly by the channel is when I’m trying to cross the road and it’s nothing but reality shows. I have no idea how this network, which was originally designed to show nothing but music videos, transformed into its current state of turmoil. It’s like looking at a damn golden retriever and wondering how the fuck it birthed a three-toed sloth. I wonder just how many of MTV’s current target demographic actually know that MTV once played music; it was called music-fucking-television for a reason after all. I’ve long written off the station as a used syringe laced with hepatitis and HIV since that’s all they seem to literally show anymore. I guess the controllers gave up making and showing videos of drugged out rock stars and just started showing drugged out kids instead….
Oct 30 2009
HI, BILLY MAYS HERE!
SO I KNOW IT’S BEEN A WHILE SINCE THE BASTARD DIED, BUT NOBODY TRULY UNDERSTANDS THE IMPACT HE HAD IN MY LIFE. I’M THAT GUY WHO WORKS LATE INTO THE NIGHT, AND BECAUSE I HAVE TINNITUS I NEED NOISE IN THE BACKGROUND TO KEEP SANE. BILLY MAYS WAS THE ONLY PERSON ON TV AT THOSE HOURS TO HELP JUST BECAUSE HIS VOICE WAS LOUD, OBNOXIOUS, AND MADE ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING SENSE. WHO THE HELL CRANKS THEIR VOICE TO 11 TO SELL SOMETHING? SHOULDN’T HE HAD TRIED BEING CALMER TO BRING THE CUSTOMERS CLOSER INSTEAD? BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE… IF YOU CALL NOW, I’LL OFFER YOU A STEEL FRYING PAN ACROSS THE HEAD. I’LL EVEN THROW IN A WAFFLE IRON TO CLAMP DOWN ON YOUR DICK TO GET THOSE HIGHLY COVETED PATTERNS THAT ALL THE LADIES LOVE. IF YOU DON’T SHUT UP, I’LL THROW YOU DOWN AND RAPE YOU; I HATE…
Oct 25 2009
TLC: The Learning Channel, not Tender Loving Care
What ever happened to The Learning Channel? I’m not talking about that station that’s masquerading under the acronyms TLC. I’m talking about the namesake. What ever happened to the station that would actually show something interesting to fucking watch? What ever happened to the station that was very honest about what it wanted to do, teach in an entertaining fashion? Stop acting like you’re The Learning Channel already, and go ahead and change your fucking name to The Lifetime Channel or The Little Children because that’s all you seem to be showing anyway. When did educational material become looked down upon? What bitch in a skirt decided to avoid math and science to push a housewife channel under the guise of TLC? Girls like interesting things too. It’s asshats like those in charge of this TLC station pushing bullshit…shit. Since TLC obviously has had a sex change, she’s the retarded…
Oct 16 2009
Nick can’t make up their mind… or can they?
I was going to go on a huge rant about how Nickelodeon went to crap over the years, but after a little searching of their schedule, they’re back to where they originally were…kind of. Not as bad as some networks, but not… ok, they’re nowhere near as bad as most television stations. I’ve had my eye on Nickelodeon for years in disgust at how they completely castrated their image, and they seem to have been doing damage control lately in a feeble attempt at resurrecting the classic Nick they once were. Valiant effort guys, but I think you shot yourself a little higher than the foot to really do away with the bad. I grew up in the early days of Nickelodeon, before Nick at Nite, before Nick Jr, before whatever other stations or blocks they’ve come out with since. I saw the introduction of Nick at Nite, and the…
Oct 15 2009
I don’t want actors in my cartoons
Cartoon Network. I want you guys at scheduling to get a big, barky tree branch and wrap it with barbed wire and slowly wipe your own asses with it. What the fuck are you guys doing with the network? You originally set out to be the Nickelodeon of the 1980s and early 90s when they went south. Now you guys have turned into the bad Nick while they got better. You guys have “Cartoon” in your fucking title. What the fuck is this “CN Real” shit I’m seeing? Cartoon… not Nick; cartoon damn it! Let’s review what a cartoon is. A cartoon is a drawing, still or animated. It’s that simple really. Cartoon doesn’t mean having a trivia show for kids on a roller coaster. It’s not having a live-action series based on a book. I’ve even seen live-action movies on the station, and that’s in addition to shoe-ins like…
Oct 10 2009
Jon, Kate, Eight, Leave
I’ve had it with everything, everywhere being about Jon and Kate and their eight little fuck trophies. I’m seriously disturbed in how their surgically altered faces and bodies can grace the cover of magazines and get plastered all over the “news” channels like they mean something. Is there really that much demand for this kind of voyeurism? These people don’t qualify for what I call a celebrity; far from it actually. Celebrities use their faces and bodies to promote and sell something. What this couple has done was bring a camera crew into their home to pay the bills, bills that were required because Kate wanted every single embryo that was created at the fertility center used. I can only imagine what went though her mind when she learned fertility centers fertilize many eggs in case some don’t take. A greedy, ego-centric bitch doesn’t even cover it. “Wait, you’ve got…