Mad Beach Bum » Sidewalk http://madbeachbum.com I'm a bum on the beach that gets mad and likes to vent. Fri, 15 Jan 2010 00:43:59 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 You body is not a car; get on the sidewalk http://madbeachbum.com/2009/10/23/you-body-is-not-a-car-get-on-the-sidewalk/ http://madbeachbum.com/2009/10/23/you-body-is-not-a-car-get-on-the-sidewalk/#comments Sat, 24 Oct 2009 00:11:13 +0000 The Bum http://madbeachbum.com/?p=168 So I’m driving home today, and it’s dusk. The street lights haven’t turned on, but in a heavily wooded neighborhood, the shadows make it seem like night anyway. The headlights are on, and I see a very cautious bike rider on the sidewalk. They’re wearing a helmet like Lord Dark Helmet from Spaceballs. It was completely massive, and quite humorous. They actually looked retarded wearing all the reflective tape, vest, white shirt, massive helmet, and stayed on the sidewalk too. This was all fun until I nearly ran the fuck over a runner that was dressed in solid black, and running in the road. Your fucking ass is not a car; get the fuck on the sidewalk where you’re supposed to be.

I’m aware there are some laws somewhere about bikes on a sidewalk, but I prefer to ride mine on a sidewalk for my own safety. I run and walk there too, and if I approach a pedestrian while on my bike, I ride on the road to safely pass. What the fuck possesses a runner to run in the fucking road, at night, dressed completely in black?

It’s not as if there’s a bike lane on this road. If I hadn’t swerved to avoid the runner, his ass would be scraped up by the Beverly Hillbillies for dinner right now. There’s no damn room on the road. There’s a reason our tax dollars were used to build a very nice sidewalk system for the road. The sidewalk doesn’t undulate and roll. It’ actually a lot easier to run on than the road it’s next to. Run on the god damn sidewalk.

For all the idiocy that this runner displayed, I would have been liable for hitting his broken ass. I would have been sued. I would have been arrested. I would have been the guilty party because he was a fucking idiot to run in the middle of the road, dressed in black, and at night.

I’ve come across instances where a group of runners from the local high school are running and somebody’s trying to pass up by veering into the road. These cases are not my bitch. These cases aren’t typical. These cases happen during the middle of the fucking day when you can easily see them.

I’ve heard some kind of hippy-like runners talk about how running on the sidewalk is harsher on your feet and joints than the asphalt of the road. Let’s try an experiment then. Let me take your fucking face and give you a curb sandwich on both to see which is harder. If I slam your fucking skull into the sidewalk, and then the road, they’re both going to hurt a whole hell of a lot. Fuck off before you go down that path of deliverance.

If you want to run in the damn road, get yourself a fucking license plate for your ass so I can claim that you’re going in the wrong fucking direction when I plow your fucking body into the telephone pole. Get licensed and take a fucking competency test. We’ll even issue you a tag saying “I’m a fucking retard for running in the road, in black, in the fucking night”. If you keep this up, we’ll have to give you a nice little blue logo to put on that tag that has a person with roller skates attached to their hips anyway. Fucking idiots.

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