So here’s what the Texas constitution now says about marriage, ahem, and I quote from the good book, a letter from Idiocracious to Jackofius:

Sec. 32.  MARRIAGE.

(a) Marriage in this state shall consist only of the union of one man and one woman.

(b)  This state or a political subdivision of this state may not create or recognize any legal status identical or similar to marriage.

That seems reasonable enough right? Marriage is a union of man and wife; ok, makes sense. Then it says the state may not create any status similar to marriage. That’s interesting, so marriage is now outlawed in the state of Texas. Way to offer your ass for a pounding guys and fall back into the shit you took. Fucking idiots. That’s the kind of shit that happens when you elect retards into office. No, wait. That might offend retards by correlating the two groups. Non-sentient apes are what they are. They punch at a keyboard and not know the meaning of the words they create. They also are the ignorant fucks that think there’s a little man in the clouds telling them what to do every day. Ignorance may be bliss, but we have to live with these fucktards.

Let me offer a suggestion. NO “MARRIAGES”, AS TERMED, RECOGNIZED BY GOVERNMENTS, ONLY UNIONS!!! This goes to my philosophy on drugs, prostitutes, and whatever else you think some other human being shouldn’t do because you have a fucking problem with it. If a guy likes sucking dick, let him suck dick. If a girl loves muff diving, let her scuba till her heart’s content. Let them be just as miserable as every other fucking soul in the world. Hell, adults are capable of being responsible for themselves so stop trying to control them. What makes you think you know what’s best for another human anyway? If some girl wants to live in a polyamorous relationship with seven dwarfs doing nothing but bukaki all day, then let her; it’s her decision.

“Marriage is a holy union.” Ok, then let it be controlled by the churches where the “holy” stuff is governed. Civil unions for whomever wants to unite together in complete misery as defined by the government and let the churches decide who actually gets “married”, and they’ll define marriage for themselves too. The people with a problem for gays marrying are those that actually have sexual desires for the same sex. Who are all the politicians screaming from the rafters that homosexuality is bad? They’re the most closed-minded assholes from the South you can get, and they’re the ones caught in all the gay sex scandals. The people who don’t have a problem don’t have those sexual desires.

I’ve also heard the argument “that’s just disgusting” and that brings me to wonder if they think all heterosexual couples only copulate via the missionary position. I’ve born witness to some seriously kinky girls that just want guys. Just the missionary position? Don’t fucking kid with me with that. There’s a term called nymphomaniac for a reason. There’s no way around it, girls get hornier than hell just like guys and thinking what they do is less disgusting than gays is just ignorant. You know? Perhaps it’s better off that Texas doesn’t allow any marriages or unions. That way they’d abide by their rules and breed their idiotic genes out of the pool to benefit us all. At any rate, they’re now all technically classified as bastards.

Only steers and queers come from Texas, and they don’t look that much like steers so that kind of narrows it down.

What’s the real news on this story? Anyone care to wager a guess or six? It’s that some asshat tried to blackmail Letterman because he knew about the relationships. Blackmail, extortion, whatever you care to call it it’s still a first-rate crime. This is a clear example of the risk celebrities put themselves in just to do a job. In Letterman’s case, he’s a very low-profile person, so it makes it even harsher that someone would pull such a stunt on him. Dave manned up, told the world what happened, and it should have died right there, but no. Oh, lordy lordy, the sky is falling; Letterman had sex… with a woman!

Ok, more than one woman it turns out, but who gives a shit? And to claim they’re affairs that he’s having is ridiculous. If by that logic, he committed affairs, then every single person on the face of the earth who went on a date committed an affair. Dave wasn’t married, and therefore couldn’t have committed an affair. It’s because of idiotic blowhards like those perpetuating “affairs” just to grab headlines that chaps my ass like nobody’s business.

I turned on the news, saw Letterman this, and Letterman that. It’s been a while since the story broke, and I’m still seeing it on places. Is there really nothing else to cover? How about the World Cup Qualifiers like the rest of the world? The guy’s under enough heat to remove his coat at every commercial to cool off; enough with putting an additional spotlight on him already. Damn!