Oct 30 2009

HI, BILLY MAYS HERE!

Category: Television — The Bum @ 12:33 pm

SO I KNOW IT’S BEEN A WHILE SINCE THE BASTARD DIED, BUT NOBODY TRULY UNDERSTANDS THE IMPACT HE HAD IN MY LIFE. I’M THAT GUY WHO WORKS LATE INTO THE NIGHT, AND BECAUSE I HAVE TINNITUS I NEED NOISE IN THE BACKGROUND TO KEEP SANE. BILLY MAYS WAS THE ONLY PERSON ON TV AT THOSE HOURS TO HELP JUST BECAUSE HIS VOICE WAS LOUD, OBNOXIOUS, AND MADE ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING SENSE. WHO THE HELL CRANKS THEIR VOICE TO 11 TO SELL SOMETHING? SHOULDN’T HE HAD TRIED BEING CALMER TO BRING THE CUSTOMERS CLOSER INSTEAD? BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE… IF YOU CALL NOW, I’LL OFFER YOU A STEEL FRYING PAN ACROSS THE HEAD. I’LL EVEN THROW IN A WAFFLE IRON TO CLAMP DOWN ON YOUR DICK TO GET THOSE HIGHLY COVETED PATTERNS THAT ALL THE LADIES LOVE. IF YOU DON’T SHUT UP, I’LL THROW YOU DOWN AND RAPE YOU; I HATE…

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