I’ve heard dwarfs say the term midget is derogatory. On the contrary, it’s no different than calling someone a giant just because they’re tall, or maybe goliath if they’re big as well and not a toothpick. Stop being so damn insecure with yourself and stop trying to guilt trip people into changing terminology. People just don’t fucking care that much. I bet the problem is from the way the word sounds. The dʒ sound really fucks with you doesn’t it? It sounds “harsh” or something, and followed with the sharpness of the trailing t, it really drives home the finality of the word and that you have some insecurities requiring addressing. Have a problem with the word gadget as well? It’s the same sounds with the first phoneme adjusted.

“I’m not a midget, I’m a little person.” Not really, you’re just a short person. Midgets are little, dwarfs, no so much. The problem with using the term “little” is in the fact that it’s quite an ambiguous word and can be applied qualitatively as well as quantitatively. I’ve seen some fat fucks who were dwarfs, and trust me, they ain’t no little person. They may be short, but they ain’t little.

You know who true little people are? They’re kids, children, offspring, fuck trophies, bundles of joy, screaming banshees wanting candy. Kids grow up to be “big people” for a reason. “We’re going to have a big people conversation now; go run off in play with your friends.” Ever heard of something remotely similar to that? I bet your ass-wiper you have. That’s because little and big are directly correlated to respective sizes. A little dwarf grows into a big dwarf; a little person grows into a big person. You’re keeping yourselves on first base in the game of life, and it’s fucking annoying. You guys seem to be pouting on first base because you don’t like which team picked you. Either play ball, or go sit in the stands and watch. Stop fucking around with everyone else’s life over the terminology.

Here’s why you should have a problem with using little to describe yourself. Little is a relative term where an object is of the same dimensions, but of a lower scale. Y’all don’t qualify. Using little as apposed to a specific definition might also imply you’re dumber than normal people because you have “little brains”. That’s not the image you want to portray now is it? If it is, then you should continue labeling yourselves little because you’re just fucking stupid. Y’all are just shooting yourselves in the feet on this shit, seriously. Stop acting like children… unless that’s how you want to be portrayed.

Every single demographic is joked about by others, and even within. That’s life, and that’s how people operate. Life and people are politically incorrect, and trying to change it won’t work. You know who provided me with the best and most politically incorrect jokes about Mormons? My Mormon friend in high school, that’s who. You know who provides the best cancer jokes? Cancer patients. I joke about having proportionately short legs, long arms and torso, and brain damage; it’s called a coping mechanism. You can’t change the world, and this battle isn’t worth fighting over. My hat’s off to Hervé Villechaize for not putting up with this bullshit. He’s the kind of person you should look up to. I’m not going to stoop to your level and call you little so grow the fuck up already.

I have received definitions for this word as if some schizophrenic decided to play Jeopardy! one day and crossed it with Scrabble and just shot craps loaded on LSD.

“Something I want to eat.”

“Something that reminds me of a baby.”

“Something that I find attractive.”

“Something not entirely embarrassing, but kind of.”

Seriously? None of these make sense when considering all are used interchangeably, and the definition of what the speaker is trying to say is left completely up to the imagination.

Looking in the Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary that I have lying around from my school days, the definition is in three parts. The first is “clever or shrewd often in an underhanded manner”. Huh? I don’t think a kitten falling off a sofa because it was stupid enough to jump for a laser pointed on a wall is considered clever, but that’s the only action I can assume that comes close to this definition.

The second is “impertinent, smart-alecky”. This is the single definition I’ve found that explains a single usage. “Don’t get cute with me” is what this definition explains. It’s a turned phrase, not really a true usage of the word, and defining it requires more synonyms than desired.

The final is “obviously straining for effect”. Ok, they just gave up on the word now. Are they trying to explain away Jack Black’s annoying red-carpet persona as “cute”? The authors of this book just got to the word, looked at each other, threw some word cards into the air and wrote down which ever ones came closest to the split-pea soup they were eating. Oh, and the cards had to be facing right-side-up for them to count or they’d have included a definition that explained attractiveness.

I am completely baffled why a word that so closely resembles the word cunt is almost viewed as the polar opposite. Cunt sounds bad; it’s sharp and harsh. Sorry to break it to everybody, but cute is exactly the same kind of word with an ‘oo’ instead of ‘uh’ sound. Cunt is harsh, yet pussy is smooth and sweet. Cute is also sharp and harsh, yet it’s not uncommon to say “cute pussy”. Some linguistic professor somewhere has probably written a thesis on this oddity of the English language. If they haven’t, then I’d like to apply for my doctorate using said thesis.

Please, I beg you, stop using the word cute. It lacks all meaning, and no matter what you use it for, nobody save a doppelganger really understands what you’re saying with it. They just nod their head in agreement, or openly disagree by erroneously stating the very definition of what you thought you were using cute for. Don’t confuse me anymore. Don’t use it unless you’re a girl trying to describe me in a positive manner. Even then I have to ask, “Is that a really good thing, or just a friend thing?”