I’d be willing to wager that many who actually think their backs are being realigned believe in homeopathy too. How about healing stones while we’re at it? The general populous is full of ignorant dipshits I tell you. You can’t lick your back because your spine won’t let you. That’s just how the body works, and you can’t change it without some serious injury or force.

If you could actually realign a back through massage, then why don’t scoliosis patients have their problems treated with them? Answer me that one. They have seriously fucked up spines that twist and turn like they’re pulling off a slalom run at the winter Olympics. They are the ones who need the realignment, and the only way such a new position can be done is with big ass plates, rods, and screws to force and hold the spine into the new position. I had a friend gain something like 4-6 inches in height from such a surgery that “realigned” and straightened her spine, and there’s no way she would have had her back fixed if someone just kind of pushed her hip here, and put her shoulder there while waiting for a pop to signify everything is now in place.

So please, stop trying to say a chiropractor is fixing your back by manipulation. They’re relieving pressure in very much the same way you crack your knuckles. You get tense, tighten up, and induce unneeded pressure on the spine and its surroundings. The massage and manipulation is designed to make you relax, not move your fucking spine around. Your back isn’t a fucking slinky, and those who think it is should just throw themselves down some stairs, alone or in pairs and relieve us of their stupidity.

Is this swine flu outbreak a pandemic? Yes, in every sense of the term. A pandemic doesn’t mean death to the world, and it doesn’t mean everyone is going to die. It just means we’ve got something very contagious flying around the fucking world like there is no tomorrow. There might not be a tomorrow for H1N1, and it’s not because of a fucking vaccine.

Why the hell is this flu variant getting so much damn attention anyway? It’s not like many people are dying from this. As we stand right now, the European Centre for Disease Prevention and Control has reported that a staggering 5,382 people have died from this. There are over 6,700,000,000 people in the world, and we’re running around scared over 5,382? That’s a whole 0.00008032% of the population dying from this horrific disease.

So this disease doesn’t discriminate and will kill anyone right? It’s not looking like it. Every kind of person is getting sick, but the fat, elderly, and those with weak immune systems are the only ones sleeping in pine on this. This is exactly what the seasonal flu does, but the seasonal flu kills between 250,000 and 500,000 people each year. Look at those numbers. 250,000 on the low end, compared to 5,382. You don’t have to a mathematician to notice those two numbers aren’t even in the same ballpark.

If this flu was on par with, or even remotely close to the Spanish flu (killed 20,000,000-100,000,000 people), Asian flu (killed 2,000,000 people), Hong Kong flu (killed 1,000,000), or even the damn seasonal flu, then sure, be concerned. But it’s not, so stop freaking out.

I suggest we examine other deaths and declare a national emergency and worldwide panic for them too. I’m just glancing at some numbers, about as many people die in the USA of hydroxylic acid each year as have died of H1N1 worldwide. Worldwide, the deaths caused from hydroxylic acid are about 500,000 people. Why don’t we panic about that instead? Why not declare a national emergency for those thousands of people too? Declaring a national emergency for H1N1; Obama, you’re a complete dick.