Damn it China. You’re making my life a little more annoying right now with your gmail attacks. Who the fuck cares anymore? When I visited your country for the Beijing Olympics, I knew pretty quickly that there was a great facade showing. Locals even told me how many of the people were told not to leave their homes or were “temporarily” moved elsewhere to attempt to reduce the smog of the city. The Chinese people are bass-akwards from the rest of the civilized world and aren’t ready to completely enter, but you have to start loosening the reigns a bit. Read that as stop hacking accounts for dissent; such methods never work in the long run.
I am getting all kinds of emails asking whether gmail accounts are secure and whether China is after their information. The real issue isn’t about security, it’s about a public relations shit-storm you just made….
Jan 14 2010
China hacking Google
Nov 30 2009
Waking the sleeping tiger
So I’m seeing all across the news wire that Tiger Woods crashed. Big fucking deal. What I should be seeing on the news is the Russian train that was bombed that was carrying hundreds of dignitaries, politicians, elites where many of them were killed. You know, people of importance. If Tiger died in the car wreck, sure, it would make sense to be headlining everywhere, but nothing of consequence happened.
I’m damn tired of channel surfing this weekend and just seeing Tiger after Tiger after Tiger. Aren’t tigers endangered? Where the hell have all these come from? Here’s what I’d place money on. HIS WIFE IS PREGNANT AGAIN!!! Elin probably had some crazy midnight cravings like many pregnant women have, and he was heading out to pick something up like pickles and strawberry Häagen-Dazs ice-cream. It’s 2am, and most people aren’t like me and wired at all hours. He fell asleep…
Nov 20 2009
Everything’s are bigger in Texas, including idiots
Apparently the homophobic shit-storm really hit the lawnmower splattering onto the pink plastic flamingos in the redneck yards of Arkansas recently when somebody actually realized that not only did the dick sucking homophobes of Texas ban gay marriage, but also all marriages and all unions…period.
So here’s what the Texas constitution now says about marriage, ahem, and I quote from the good book, a letter from Idiocracious to Jackofius:
Sec. 32. MARRIAGE.
(a) Marriage in this state shall consist only of the union of one man and one woman.
(b) This state or a political subdivision of this state may not create or recognize any legal status identical or similar to marriage.
That seems reasonable enough right? Marriage is a union of man and wife; ok, makes sense. Then it says the state may not create any status similar to marriage. That’s interesting, so marriage is now outlawed in the state of Texas. Way to offer your…
Nov 10 2009
One hairy Catholic school system
Hahahaha… getting kicked out of school for shaving your head… that’s one of the most hilarious jokes I’d… huh? That actually happened? Let me dig my jaw out from China because it hit with such force it cracked through the fucking planet. Without reading anything into the story, this is already shaping up to be a classic bowl of polished shit used to play croquet with. Better have the tarts for the queen or you’ll be sorry.
Turns out she shaved her head to raise awareness (whatever the fuck that means) and money for cancer research. That’s probably one of the few reasons that even the most stuck-up pricks would allow someone to get away with murder, but not her school over hair. Damn zealous Catholics and their Janus-like speech. Like most groups, you tend to find two subsets of Catholics, those who don’t give a shit, and those who want…
Nov 10 2009
This bud’s for you
Gotta love the Breck. It’s quite possibly my favorite ski town, and they’ve just grown in clout with their recent vote to decriminalize marijuana and related paraphernalia. That’s right, Breckenridge, the drinking town with a skiing problem just allowed people to smoke some bud. Gotta love such civility in today’s fucked up world of “kill all who appose my view”. It just makes me sick, and Breck just put a shit-eating grin on my face.
I don’t understand the prohibition anyway. It’s just grass, a plant, not much different than tobacco in the manufacturing process: plant, water, add sun, harvest, smoke, party. For all you jack-asses proclaiming religious reasons or some other religious basis for prohibition, then ask yourself whether god made a mistake in making the plant. If someone wants to smoke it, let them fucking smoke it. It’s not like their consumption of the plant is going to directly…
Oct 24 2009
Racism flows both ways
Who are the most racist people in the world? Those trying to “advance” their race and demand “equal” whatever. I don’t give two shits about race. Three, maybe, but two, nah. I’ve never seen a black person in my life. I’ve never seen a white person in my life. Even an albino is a slight cream color usually with yellow hair. Race only matters to racists and boy have the racists turned out in droves showing their true colors to someone who broke a long held color barrier at Hampton University.
So Nikole Churchill got the homecoming queen crown, first non-black to do so at Hampton apparently. This should be a cause for celebration that a community of blacks would look beyond race and elect someone they wanted to elect right? No whammy, no whammy, no whammy; Stop! Damn. Turns out the black racists in the community had a problem. Never…
Oct 24 2009
Have 1, Need 1 swine flu vaccine
I’m not some lunatic who says vaccinations are bad. I’m just pissed off at how much publicity this fucking H1N1 shit has been given. Now Obama is declaring the flu a national emergency? Give me a fucking break already. The flu spreading around the world like a flaming ninja through a hospital was something to worry about because nobody knew what the hell we had. They didn’t know if this was airborne, highly contagious, or even how deadly it is. There was reason to be cautious, but that time has passed.
Is this swine flu outbreak a pandemic? Yes, in every sense of the term. A pandemic doesn’t mean death to the world, and it doesn’t mean everyone is going to die. It just means we’ve got something very contagious flying around the fucking world like there is no tomorrow. There might not be a tomorrow for H1N1, and it’s not…
Oct 23 2009
Chilly Willy was seen making coffee, and now he’s in trouble
What someone does in the privacy of their own home is their own fucking business. I caught wind of some guy walking around naked in his own home, and then got arrested for indecent exposure because some lady was walking outside with her kid and saw his dick. It’s just a dick, and he’s in his home. Is he supposed to make sure every single window is mirrored from the outside, draped in curtains, blacked out, and boarded up before he can relax in his own home? What if he has a friend over for a little action, are they supposed to retreat into a panic room so the cops aren’t called? Is that lady so fucking stuck up and a prude that she’s never seen a dick before in her life? She sounds like the real-life female version of Ned Flanders. She was walking around with her fuck trophy,…
Oct 22 2009
The turtles coming out of their shell on… Nickelodeon? Huh‽
You ever have that feeling of being slapped in the face with a huge ass trout? I mean, really being hit hard to the point where you have to pick the scales off individually. I just had that happen when I heard Nickelodeon purchased the world-wide rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise. What the hell are the guys at Nick doing? I don’t know whether to think they’ll treat the property well, or treat it like Doug and view it as an investment to offload later. Isn’t this confusion exactly what I ranted about just a few days ago?
Excuse me while I pick my scruffy-assed chin off the damn floor with a forklift. I seriously don’t know what to think about this. Paramount, Nick’s parent company, is in the movie business and wants to turn out more turtles movies. After the disaster that was TMNT, I’m hoping they…
Oct 17 2009
ET found his green card
So someone creates a hilarious costume of an illegal alien; you know, ET, not Mexican. I’m so damn glad I’m not in southern California and have to listen to all the crap about illegal aliens this, and illegal aliens that. Oh wait, the entertainment industry is based in California…shit.
Why do people just assume that an illegal alien is Mexican? I know many illegal aliens whom are Russian, Turkish, Jamaican, Romanian, Chinese, Thai, or even Cuban. Why limit it to just Mexicans? I find that racist and very distasteful, mean-spirited, and ignorant of the fact that there are more countries than just Mexico and the USA. The company that made the hilarious costume is based in Wisconsin. You think they give two shits about Mexicans way the hell up there? All they want to do is club baby seals like Canada. They’re mocking those idiots in California putting up such a…
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