So I’m seeing all across the news wire that Tiger Woods crashed. Big fucking deal. What I should be seeing on the news is the Russian train that was bombed that was carrying hundreds of dignitaries, politicians, elites where many of them were killed. You know, people of importance. If Tiger died in the car wreck, sure, it would make sense to be headlining everywhere, but nothing of consequence happened.
I’m damn tired of channel surfing this weekend and just seeing Tiger after Tiger after Tiger. Aren’t tigers endangered? Where the hell have all these come from? Here’s what I’d place money on. HIS WIFE IS PREGNANT AGAIN!!! Elin probably had some crazy midnight cravings like many pregnant women have, and he was heading out to pick something up like pickles and strawberry Häagen-Dazs ice-cream. It’s 2am, and most people aren’t like me and wired at all hours. He fell asleep and crashed; answers are generally simple and not always some conspiracy. That’s the embarrassing aspect of this and why he doesn’t want to talk about it.
This guy’s not Kobe Bryant or any one of the NBA players and sleeping around; he’s not that stupid. He’s got a fucking hot wife that I’d tap six ways from Sunday and I’m sure he does, and he’s very meticulous about his public image. Hugh Grant was with Elizabeth Hurley when he got stuck with a hooker. That’s because she wasn’t putting out. Elin puts out and has a couple fuck trophies as proof. He’s so meticulous about his public image, that he’s better than a politician. When he says he’s not going to talk, he’s not going to talk. Drop it already!
It’s not required by Florida law to talk to the authorities over this stuff. I wouldn’t want to talk either because most of the cops in this state are more crooked than Hephaestus’s crafts. I’ve had more than my fair share of run-ins, and I’d advise everybody to never talk to them again because they’re almost all after personal glory and “making an example of” people.
Does this have something to do with golf? No. Does this matter mean jack shit? No. Stop focusing on Tiger and start covering real news you corporate advertising idiots. Maybe people will start to care again.