What ever happened to The Learning Channel? I’m not talking about that station that’s masquerading under the acronyms TLC. I’m talking about the namesake. What ever happened to the station that would actually show something interesting to fucking watch? What ever happened to the station that was very honest about what it wanted to do, teach in an entertaining fashion? Stop acting like you’re The Learning Channel already, and go ahead and change your fucking name to The Lifetime Channel or The Little Children because that’s all you seem to be showing anyway.
When did educational material become looked down upon? What bitch in a skirt decided to avoid math and science to push a housewife channel under the guise of TLC? Girls like interesting things too. It’s asshats like those in charge of this TLC station pushing bullshit…shit. Since TLC obviously has had a sex change, she’s the retarded ginger step-sister of big brother Discovery. Hell, even the cousin Science Channel has the balls to show what its name says. It’s not like educational or science material isn’t popular. Otherwise, shows like Mythbusters, How It’s Made, and any one of the construction shows like American Chopper would never have taken off. Learn me something damn it! Your fucking name has “learning” in the name, so show me something new!
The channel now seems to be a used tampon; no more purpose than to soak up the misfortunes of whomever screwed up so badly years back. There’s almost no reason to turn on the channel unless you like child exploitation from Jon & Kate Plus 8, or as it’ll be known when the new season starts, Jon Plus 4, Kate Plus 4.
I just flipped on the station to see what shit’s coming down the pipeline now. The Little Couple, very clever how you incorporate the TLC into that show’s title. I’m starting to wonder if that’s exactly how you view yourselves. You could be doing so much, yet you accept so little. You’re no midget; you’re no dwarf. You’re a fucking idiot lady who actually agreed to have her body sawed in half without realizing there’s usually a trick involved.
Let’s try to derive a new name for this catastrophe. I propose The Loving Cocksuckers because all they seem to be doing is sucking off the audience with no point other than to try and collect money. Why else would you violate child labor laws and show nothing but a group of kids growing up? Someone really is demented at the top. They also appear to enjoy insinuating that they “love” the audience, or at least that’s the uncomfortable feeling I get from watching their promos. I’m glad to say that I don’t have one of those uncles who are overly “loveable”, but I’d imagine it would be as uncomfortable as watching the shit on TLC nowadays.
If you want to keep going down the lovey-dovey road, fine. You have that option. Just completely remove your name so people won’t keep getting confused or erroneously hopeful you’ll put something worthwhile on. If I ever want to be hamstrung about learning and getting something “fuzzy” instead, I just might as well go down to the car mechanics’ shop, drop my pants, bend over, and yell, “Fill’er up!”