If there is a single group of people on this planet that I can live completely without, it has to be triathletes. No group is more self-centered, egotistical, and just overall dipshits to everyone else than them. I know my fair share of athletes, and it’s unanimous across the board that nobody, not even the pretty-boy cyclists, want to deal with them for even a fucking minute.
The issues run deeper than just confidence in their skills. You get overly arrogant asses playing team sports like football and soccer. You get the prima donnas of baseball, and the stuck-up holier than though tennis players. It’s rare that you find an elite athlete that’s honestly humble, but it’s even rarer to find a triathlete that’s not a fucking dipshit in general. It may stem from them trying to be well-rounded and compete in three tough disciplines, but in all honesty, I think it’s because they “think” they’re so well-rounded that inflates their egos so much.
They stare at themselves in the mirror all day, trying to sculpt their body into the perfect Venus or David. The sad thing is it only matters to them. Most have a huge self-image issue, but blame everyone else for their problems. If they have a little extra fat around the mid-section that they want to get rid of, everybody around them is morbidly obese until they fix their own problem. This, my friends, is called projection, and it’s screwier than Bugs Bunny in drag when you witness it.
Sure, they can run, bike, or swim for hours, and I don’t give a shit. I’m bigger, I’m faster, I’m stronger, and if we’re ever being chased by a group of rabid pit-bulls, I’m leaving their ass behind me. I’ll also be the first to kick them under a bus for use as a parking brake. All they ever want to do is talk about how fast they run a mile, or how many miles they ran the other day. I just look at them in disgust and wish they’d go deep-throat a donkey. The donkey would be most likely provide a donkey-punch just out of sheer boredom.
I don’t care if you’ve got washboard abs, I’ve got a machine to do my laundry. I don’t care how many people you meet running. I don’t care how many of them you’ve fucked and for how little time each. The lower the time compounded with the quantity means you’re a bad lay. I applaud the male triathletes who have the stamina to last forever, but can’t get a girl off. It makes me appear all that much better on the rebound. I applaud the female triathletes for fucking up their reproductive cycles by being too damn skinny and removing themselves from the gene pool. On second thought, keep doing what you’re doing. You assholes are making the world a much better place for the rest of us after all.
October 19th, 2009 7:15 pm
I can see where you are coming from, but not all triathletes are like that and I’m sure you meant the ones that are. Also I don’t know and no offense but it seems like your last paragraph might do what you were talking about earlier with the selfimage thing. Went a little defensiveish. Id lighten up on that.
October 19th, 2009 8:01 pm
I can see how it can be taken that way. I’m directing the issue not at my insecurities, but at theirs. I have yet to meet a triathlete without some severe self-image issues. The issues I bring up are the most common things I’ve heard them say and it pisses me off because it’s just bragging to make themselves feel better. They just won’t shut up, and they go around bragging about stupid shit that doesn’t matter. Could I go around bragging about knocks on my staff and what I’ve done in life? Sure, but I don’t need to do so for my confidence. They apparently need to do so, hence why I could go the rest of my days without encountering another one without remorse.
“I’ve got washboard abs and have three women every night.”
“So… why are you telling me? Are you that bad of a lay that you’re trying to make me feel bad to make yourself feel better? Sorry bud, I’m doing quite fine myself. Cheers.”
I’m using a bit of sarcasm to express my viewpoint using their methods when I close out my rant.
October 19th, 2009 11:02 pm
makes sense. I know who ur talking about, but I know the humble athletes too. They are there too. Thanks for the reply.
October 20th, 2009 12:39 am
No problem on the reply. These rants aren’t scientific papers where I have extensive research on their mating habits or anything, so any kind of feedback is welcome. I guess because I am an athlete, it really pains me to interact with triathletes. I’ve known some of the most self-centered of athletes around, cyclists and tennis players, and everyone has the same view on triathletes. I’ve been around some pretty massive egos, and even I can be a ripe bastard at times. Even the most humble of professional players is aware of their talent so there’s always the confidence factor. I’ve yet to meet a triathlete who hasn’t displayed a disproportionate superiority complex. No matter how damn good you are at something, there’s always someone who’ll be better, and I’d wish they’d just shut up about how awesome they think they are. If a truly humble triathlete exists, then I haven’t met them.